I wanted to give a more thorough review of Halloween Ends because realistically, it’s one of the bigger, more notable releases on this list, and I did have quite a few thoughts on it. Firstly, many reviewers were not, but I was completely on-board with the main plot of this movie. Especially because, going into it, I had steeled myself for yet another endless, boring Michael killing spree. Weirdly, I feel like most reviewers have complained about the same thing in the past, yet when the creators give us something different, it’s also a problem? I don’t know what the fuck those folks want, but personally, I wanted this. I wanted a story that explored a different aspect of the Michael Meyers legacy without following the same structure of every single other Halloween movie. I wanted a story that brought back some of the psychological elements of the original while also adding something fresh to the mix. I wanted the story of Laurie Strode to reach its conclusion, one way or another… Actually, strictly speaking, none of that is 100% true. What I really wanted was this entire series put to bed after the fun little schlock-fest that was Halloween 3, and for Halloween 2 to be burned from our collective memory. And then I wanted it put to bed a second time after Halloween (2018). But if we we had to have a sequel (and we did, because of money), this is what I wanted from it. I liked the concept of someone else taking on the Meyers mantle, un-subtle though its execution may have been. I enjoyed watching this kid enact his gruesome vengeance and slowly become the next personification of evil, and if they had taken that course and run with it, starting a whole new saga, I wouldn’t have been too angry about it even if I’m dying for them to incinerate the rancid corpse that this franchise has become. But of course, we can’t have nice things, and the point where the movie broke down and disappointed me was when they rehashed the Laurie vs. Michael fight AGAIN. How many times must we see this? I enjoyed it more the first time, in Halloween (2018). But ok, fine, we have to do this in every single one of these fucking things so whatever. At the very least, they had the courtesy to make it really funny. Laurie essentially crucifies Michael on her kitchen island, then leans the fridge on his leg. She of course takes her time knifing him properly, so he unskewers one of his hands by just rippin’ right through it (lol), then chokes her out one last time. He almost gets her, too, mostly because she’s finally had enough and starts to give in, but then her granddaughter shows up and snaps his fucking arm like a twig. At which point I was howling with laughter. Finally, Laurie slits his wrist. Fin. Then came an even funnier scene. The cops show up, and they tie Micheal’s body to the top of a car. There’s a moment where you can hear some of the background officers going like “hey, this isn’t how we do things guys, come on.” But the sherriff shows up and says “tonight it is,” or something like that, and I giggled. The cursory attention given to standard procedure was quite funny to me, though I don’t think it’s intended to be as laughable as it is. I like that they give that nod and then go, “yeah, we really mean the Ends part of Halloween Ends. This mf is going in the shredder.” I was grinning throughout the sequence, because they’re finally doing what no horror movie dummies ever get to do: truly destroy the boogeyman. And destroy him they do. The townsfolk of Haddonfield all come out in force to crowd-surf Michael’s body to the industrial grinder and then part like the Red Sea to allow Laurie her final goodbye. We get a blood-explosion shot of Mikey’s body getting ate up, and it’s over, just like that. It had me kicking my feet like a child because man is it trying to be serious, but it’s just entertainingly goofy. That’s why I really can’t be mad at this film even with this tacked on bullshit at the end. I enjoyed the main story, I laughed at the end, and I sighed with relief that I won’t be seeing another one of these goddamn things for at least a few years. So I hope, anyways. I don’t know if I can bring myself to watch another one if they do bring it back. As much as I enjoy that John Carpenter is forever getting run his money off the back of this series, as I mentioned earlier, I would like for it to die. Its ability to induce fear has long since faded due in part to the original run of sequels, whose premises became more and more absurd, consequently making Michael less and less scary. And in part due to the multiple resurrections it has now endured. From Robb Zombie’s films, the first of which was so terrible, they turned the lights on in the theater I was watching it in so we could all laugh and talk more easily since we were already getting rowdy less than an hour in. To this new trilogy, which had some decent entries – this and Halloween – and one of the worst sequels to anything I’ve ever seen – Halloween Kills. I truly hope this property finally gets to rest in tiny, ground up pieces much like Michael’s old, fucked up sewer body. Did I mention he lived in the sewer in this one? Yeah. Maybe they’ll add a nasty sewer mask skin for him in DBD. I’d enjoy that.